Should We Get Married?

Marijuana Problem In Relationship

Dear June,

I have a woman friend I am deeply committed to. She has a problem with smoking marijuana for the last 15 years. She is currently working with a trusted therapist and her medical doctor to find answers for ending her habit. She wants to quit but has had terrible reactions with all the medical prescriptions given by her doctor in the past. This leaves her unwilling to attempt new treatments. However, she says she will keep trying.

She is very energetic and believes she is gifted or has ADD/ADHD. I've seen how being away from pot leaves her unfocused and easily distracted by all that goes on around her. This, she says, makes her edgy, highly irritable, and hard to live with her own emotions and racing thoughts. I used to believe the pot could do only harm (besides the obvious legal issues). However, I don't like to admit, I see it as an effective remedy for her overstimulation.

Is this issue big enough to keep a couple from getting married? There are children involved in our relationship - my 4 yr old son and 14 yr old step son and her 12 and 15 yr old boys and 14 yr old daughter. By all outward appearances, the children are well adjusted and have normal relationships. I feel if we would not survive this issue, at least I am somehow meant to be there for her kids and help them to overcome some of the fallout, should they need help.

J

Long Distance Relationships

Dear June,

How do we make our long distance relationship work?  I live in Long Beach and my partner lives in Memphis, Tennessee.  He won't consider relocating.  Do I need to relocate to save our relationship?

Relationship Insecurity

Dear June,

I’m already engaged, but thought you might be able to help me with my dilemma before the wedding. Names have been changed for privacy reasons.

I’m getting married in March 2006. My fiancé, Scott, and I have arranged a destination wedding. Several family members and friends will be joining us for the weeklong festivities down South. One of the guests, Ann, makes me very uncomfortable. In retrospect, I don’t feel she should have been invited, but here’s the story:

What Age to Get Married?

Dear June,

My boyfriend and I are 17 and he wants to get engaged.  We really love each other and I want to know if you think this is too young if we both want to do this.  Can you tell me what age to get married or how old you need to be to get married?  Some people say 21 some say 18,  I am confused ....

Thank you ,
A

Past Abusive Relationship

My girlfriend, who is the love of my life and I am hers, has difficulty communicating. She was in an abusive relationship a few years back and she has a hard time feeling her opinion and feelings really count.

I tell her constantly how special she is and that what she thinks and feels means the world to me. When we have any disagreements, her initial reaction is to blame herself and say I deserve better.

I am always saying there is no right or wrong and being right means nothing to me, I just want for us to discuss things as partners. Any other tips? She acknowledges this and is trying and making progress.

Thank you so much.

H.

Can ex-lovers be just friends?

Dear June

Can ex-lovers be just friends?

I have a current girlfriend of four years.  We live in a relatively small rural community. We love each other and want a future together. Her last boyfriend still lives locally and has a current girlfriend of few years.

My girlfriend and her ex-boyfriend were just friends as young teenagers but began a relationship upon her return to the area after a marriage breakup.  She decided to break off the relationship after 4-5 years when she met me.  He initially clumsily attempted to salvage their relationship when he knew I was part of her life.  She told him clearly that I was the one in her life now. They have had only shallow or minimal contact in the last 4 years or so saying hello, how are the children? How's work going? etc…  Indeed I’ve been quite happy to chat to him whenever we have met in the local pub or in the street. But now she wants to develop their friendship again to a deeper lever. She says, she has taken four years to get to this stage. Can they be just friends?