What Age to Get Married?

Dear June,

My boyfriend and I are 17 and he wants to get engaged.  We really love each other and I want to know if you think this is too young if we both want to do this.  Can you tell me what age to get married or how old you need to be to get married?  Some people say 21 some say 18,  I am confused ....

Thank you ,
A

Dear A, 

There is no magical age to get married.  There is no certain age that entitles you to the maturity and wisdom you need to succeed at marriage.  Statistically, research on what age to get married shows that over half of marriages end in divorce within 15 years when the bride is a minor and the older the female is at the time of her first marriage, the longer the marriage lasts.   So it is a really good sign that you are thinking about what age to get married in order for the marriage to work. I highly commend you for that. 

Legally you are probably not able to marry yet without parental signatures.  According to the information I located on what age to get married;, you have to be eighteen to be married without parental consent.  If you are from Massachusetts you would only need a court order, not parental consent before age 18. If you are a Nebraskan the age to get married without parental consent is 19. Mississippi residency would require you to be 21 to get married.  There are some states that waive the legal age to get married if pregnancy or children are involved.

While there is no golden threshold of maturity that assures marriage stability,  the following may be worth your consideration.

You have to be old enough to:

• know that love is not enough. 
• evaluate your essential relationship requirements and assess if your partner satisfies them.  It is rare at age seventeen to have enough life experience to really know what you really want and need for your future.
• be totally emotionally, physically and financially independent from your parents.  Healthy marriages require two independent individuals to make a complete whole.

You don't mention how long you have been together.  All relationships need time to see if behavior patterns are consistently healthy.   My blog, How Long to Date Before Marriage, may be helpful reading.

I would encourage you to wait.  Seventeen is young. I was married at nineteen.  Even though that was quite common thirty years ago, I can tell you now that we were too young to be married at that age. 

I would advise you to wait to discuss marriage until you are at least 21.  In the mean time date and really get to know each other.  Enjoy this very special time of your life that has fewer adult responsibilities. 

But more importantly, get to know yourself.  Figure out what you want for your life.  Figure out what you want to contribute to the world and how.  Then start living your life purpose.  Only then will you be ready to discuss if you and your partner have compatible life visions and the commitment to make marriage happen.

I wish you the very best.  You will go a long way by continuing to seek answers about what makes marriage work successfully.

June Safty Odegard
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