Should We Get Married?

Choosing A Partner With An Attitude

In deciding whether to get married, there are many decisions to consider.  You are trying to decide if this partner will be someone you can live with forever.  You are trying to decide how this person might enrich your life.  You are trying to decide if you will have compatible life visions and trying to figure out if this person meets your relationship essentials.

One of many essential requirements you will be considering is attitude. I received this anecdote the other day that I feels best explains the difference that a positive attitude can make. It is a story about choices to help you in your choice. It is a tale that just might help you think about what you can or can’t control in becoming the kind of person your potential spouse would choose.

John is the kind of guy you love to hate. He is always in a good mood and always has something positive to say. When someone would ask him how he was doing, he would reply, "If I were any better, I would be twins!"

Relationship Advice from Dell Customer Service

What relationship advice can Dell Customer Service teach us about marriages?  Well, we can learn what NOT to do.

I have to tell you Sunday was a horrible day.  For 8 hours we struggled with Dell Support after our computer locked up.  It was unnecessary.  It was frustrating.  It became apparent that Dell spends all their time and energy courting you to buy but absolutely no time, energy or resources supporting you once you have bought.

This got me to wondering if this is how we treat marriages in our society today.   Do we spend all our time, energy and resources searching for the perfect mate but once we “buy”, customer service and satisfaction is a joke? It is believed that the average married couple spends less than 28 minutes per week (not per day) on average communicating.

We wouldn’t buy a car without thinking of maintaining it… hopefully.  We expect to take care of our physical wellbeing if we want to stay healthy but once we walk down the aisle, it is too easy to assume our marital wellbeing is a done deal and neglect the very thing that needs to be nurtured to remain vital. 

Just like with Dell’s Technical Support, when you are not supported or if the advertising is false, you look else where.  Frustration forces us to look for other options. 

Keep reading the rest of my Dell Technical Support Saga and let me know if you see additional relationship tips you might glean from Dell’s horrible customer support.

Marijuana Problem In Relationship

Dear June,

I have a woman friend I am deeply committed to. She has a problem with smoking marijuana for the last 15 years. She is currently working with a trusted therapist and her medical doctor to find answers for ending her habit. She wants to quit but has had terrible reactions with all the medical prescriptions given by her doctor in the past. This leaves her unwilling to attempt new treatments. However, she says she will keep trying.

She is very energetic and believes she is gifted or has ADD/ADHD. I've seen how being away from pot leaves her unfocused and easily distracted by all that goes on around her. This, she says, makes her edgy, highly irritable, and hard to live with her own emotions and racing thoughts. I used to believe the pot could do only harm (besides the obvious legal issues). However, I don't like to admit, I see it as an effective remedy for her overstimulation.

Is this issue big enough to keep a couple from getting married? There are children involved in our relationship - my 4 yr old son and 14 yr old step son and her 12 and 15 yr old boys and 14 yr old daughter. By all outward appearances, the children are well adjusted and have normal relationships. I feel if we would not survive this issue, at least I am somehow meant to be there for her kids and help them to overcome some of the fallout, should they need help.

J

Long Distance Relationships

Dear June,

How do we make our long distance relationship work?  I live in Long Beach and my partner lives in Memphis, Tennessee.  He won't consider relocating.  Do I need to relocate to save our relationship?

Relationship Insecurity

Dear June,

I’m already engaged, but thought you might be able to help me with my dilemma before the wedding. Names have been changed for privacy reasons.

I’m getting married in March 2006. My fiancé, Scott, and I have arranged a destination wedding. Several family members and friends will be joining us for the weeklong festivities down South. One of the guests, Ann, makes me very uncomfortable. In retrospect, I don’t feel she should have been invited, but here’s the story:

What Age to Get Married?

Dear June,

My boyfriend and I are 17 and he wants to get engaged.  We really love each other and I want to know if you think this is too young if we both want to do this.  Can you tell me what age to get married or how old you need to be to get married?  Some people say 21 some say 18,  I am confused ....

Thank you ,
A

What Women Really Want?

According to Donny Deutsch on the Today Show this morning, women do not want the same thing as men sexually. 

Find out more about what women really want:

• Do women really want cuddling or intercourse?
• Is the man women have ended up with, the best sex they have had?
• What is more important for women, friendship or sex?
• Do women settle or are they with the man of their dreams?
• What percentage of women are happy in their relationship or marriage?

Past Abusive Relationship

My girlfriend, who is the love of my life and I am hers, has difficulty communicating. She was in an abusive relationship a few years back and she has a hard time feeling her opinion and feelings really count.

I tell her constantly how special she is and that what she thinks and feels means the world to me. When we have any disagreements, her initial reaction is to blame herself and say I deserve better.

I am always saying there is no right or wrong and being right means nothing to me, I just want for us to discuss things as partners. Any other tips? She acknowledges this and is trying and making progress.

Thank you so much.

H.

Christmas Gift Giving

We have all heard the song, “On the first day of Christmas, my true love gave to me….”.  Did you know that the twelve days of Christmas actually starts on Christmas day and finishes on January 6th which is the Epiphany, the day the three wise men supposedly arrived on the scene?  I always thought it was the twelve days before Christmas.

Even though it is pretty uncommon for people to actually pursue this tradition today, I thought it would be a great Christmas gift for your lover, finance or spouse.  I am not thinking of a partridge in a pear tree.  I am thinking of giving your partner something everyday that they would most appreciate and show them how much you love and value them. 

Do you know that when I have couples do the “What do you need to feel valued and loved this week?” exercise, they never ask for things.  They ask for non-monetary gifts such as respect, affection, or time and you can too. 

What if you created a special gift this Christmas for your partner giving them what they want most?  Here’s an example of some things you might consider:

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